July 29, 2008

A Guide to Failure

You know you're going to flunk an exam when you start making up reasons for why you flunked even before you give the exam.
Noticing the over-populated shelves of the Self-Help Section on Succeeding, i decided to embark upon this arduous journey of writing an article on how not to succeed.
Now, some people would say that flunking, (also known as failing, flopping out and, the more colourful and very vernacular, getting fucked!) is quite easy. Not so. It can be ridiculously hard to fail. It requires weeks, and sometimes, months of dedication and hard work.

Doing everything else besides studying, that is.

Indeed, one of the toughest decisions to make at that point in time when you decide that books do not quite deserve as much time as your geeky pals, proffessors and parents say they do is: what exactly to do?

This confusing conundrum can easily be solved by dividing the problem into the following simple steps-

Step 1: Outlining area of interests
This is the most important step, for only when you have a solid foundation can you have a solid building. *koff* Moving on from the profound to the pedagaugically profane. On a piece of paper, write down what best captures your attention and then go one better and write what deviates it the most. Yes, for only when we know our weaknesses can you ever hope to harness our strengths!

Step 2: Choosing an area of interest
The second step in the process is vital to your success at failing. In this step you choose one of the areas from the many listed in the previous step and concentrate upon achieving the main objectives pertaining to that particular area. For example, if the topic chosen by you is Girls, then you can break up your objectives so that you have ample time to achieve all. More importantly, so that you have ample time to ignore studies.

Continuing with our example of Girls, your objectives can include

  • Prank Calls (No response from callee)
  • Short Phone Calls (Establishing connection)
  • Long Phone Calls (Establishing trust)
  • File Work for Favourite Girl (Building trust)
  • Hostel/House Drops and Pick-Ups (Getting desperate)
  • Assorted Chores (Getting more desperate)
  • Private Tutions (Getting there)
  • Private Dates (ahem)
  • Backbench Baiting & Biting (koff)
  • Getting It ON! (oh yeah!!!)
  • and for the very lucky few, Philandering.

Step Three:
Following your schedule with a manic obsession until you achieve your main objective of, well, flunking, failing and generally getting fucked.


my result was released day before. It's not too good.
Just 71.4%
(smug smug grin, big wide one showing teeth and gums! modesty be damned goddam hoo-haa)

So don't take this post TOO seriously :P.


Jatin Arora said...

hello fahd..
kaise ho beta...
khana khaya?
aur mammi, papa kaise hain?
chalo ab chalta hoon ok
bye bye..!

angstimonious said...

@jatin you jackass, wat kind of a effed up comment was that? i'm not even going to delete it, it's so dumb. its a monument to dumbness, for crying out loud.

Piu said...

"You know you're going to flunk an exam when you start making up reasons for why you flunked even before you give the exam."

Exactly!! It applies to 'traumatized' engineering students like us! lol

Great blog n amazing thoughts! Keep writing ! :)

lappet! said...

har har har! i laughed my ass off!

angstimonious said...

@lappet: i really hope you're not being sarcastic!